'F' and 'M' (with a ness in the middle).
'F' can be many things: a bad mark on your essay, the FLYING that goes with unidentified and object, a setting on your oven's temperature control. It can be the start of many great words like freak and fun, fool, frission, fudge, fanny and fuck. (oops..can I swear on blogs?) 'F' can be accompanied by 'OFF' when you have real intent but perhaps young ears are nearby. 'F' hangs out near the start of the alphabet, claims it is more important than letters that come later like 'L' and U'. 'F' has a sense of self-importance that is not entirely justified.
'M', and sneaky little 'm', has connections with films made for an adult audience which gives it delusions of grandeur. 'M' is average, a pair of pants that fit between 'S' and 'L'. 'M' is the turning point, the half way mark in the journey of letters. 'M' nancys around with murderers and muff-divers, marbles, monsters, mittens and magicians. 'M' is entirely void of humour.
And the ness in the middle? Hell. Don't get me started.
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